


Painkillers

by repressivist



Series: Kiki’s canon [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Bullying, But No Actual Sex Scenes, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, I THINK that’s the problematic tag, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Manipulation, Self Harm, Substance Abuse, Suicide, heavily implied rape/sexual abuse, i guess, im still working on THAT fic lol, just take it dude, lmaooo, man look I just had a cry and wrote this as I blacked out, mental breakdowns, there it is, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21952333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/repressivist/pseuds/repressivist
Summary: In another time...Kaito kisses a boy on the lips, holding him close by the waist and telling him how much he’s loved. Kokichi swoons and pulls him closer, reminiscing about a time where he was loved for the first time in his life. He cries at night, still, thinking about it. Things are not so perfect anymore.
Relationships: Momota Kaito/Harukawa Maki, Momota Kaito/Oma Kokichi
Series: Kiki’s canon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607410
Comments: 1
Kudos: 75





	Painkillers

**Author's Note:**

> Please don’t read if you’re easily triggered or are in a crisis. I’ll kiss you. Go read some fluff, stupid.

I am useless.

Kaito Momota says so.

He told me that I am, very much so, only for him. That I am a useless whore. He told me that I was his. He told me these things because I am bad. He told me these things because I deserve them. I know so because he told me so. 

  
  


Wheezing sobs. As he squeezes, Kaito smiles. His eyes always widen and he always digs his nails in. He chokes because he thinks it’s funny when the poor kitten cries. He chokes because he drinks and when he drinks he is  _ mean _ to me. When he chokes, his breath reeks of beer and of other girls’ tongues. He said I was his alone, and that he didn’t need anyone else because I am his fucktoy. 

That was a lie. I know so because I see the red lipstick on his neck. I know because Harukawa told me so. She chirped to me one day that he sneaks over to her house nightly and ravages her body with love. She told me that she was his and only his. She told me that I was only his because he needed to take the anger out on something. She hits me. She chokes me too. Maki told me I deserve it, and that is why this is happening, so I need to shut up.

_ Fun. _

In another time…

Kaito kisses a boy on the lips, holding him close by the waist and telling him how much he’s loved. Kokichi swoons and pulls him closer, reminiscing about a time where he was loved for the first time in his life. He cries at night, still, thinking about it. Things are not so perfect anymore.

Now, time by time, he is pulled into a terrifying series of days where he has no clue as to whether or not Kaito will come home, and whether or not he will be drunk enough to throw him onto the bed or the couch or the floor- the first flat surface he can find- and use him. Because after all, a hole is a hole, is it not? That’s the joke he loves to make, unknowing of the fact that he destroys his small partner night after night, drinking to ease his own pain, unbeknownst to the fact that he is only directing it onto someone else; someone more vulnerable and quiet about it. 

Because Kokichi is too afraid to speak out, so he tells the hospitals that he stumbled back home after this happened to him in an alley, and that Kaito just so happened to be drunk, when in all truth, Kaito is vowing to protect Kokichi from the man in his own shoes.

And Kokichi smiles and stays quiet with only a nod, hair frayed and white from it prematurely going gray. He touches a few fingers to the bruises on his neck, knowing that the man who caused them is kissing his forehead and promising it will all be okay now, because he will be here.

Kaito drinks more to ease his mind from the fact that someone is repeatedly raping his boyfriend. Kaito drinks more to hide from the fact that no matter how hard he tries, his boyfriend is always taken advantage of when his protector is most vulnerable. Kaito cannot afford to let his guard down, and yet the addiction to the infamous remedy for stress has made that difficult, so he continues to drink.

Every night, when he comes back, and wakes in the morning, Kokichi has been abused. The pattern is uncanny and he can’t help but wonder if he were to go somewhere else for the night and ease the pain…

Killing two birds with one stone would be the best option for him. He fears of the blackmail with which Harukawa repeatedly berates him, threatening to expose their affair to Kokichi (Noted, she already has. Kaito can tell in the way Kokichi delicately asks where he has been, eyes glassy and smile gentle. He knows that the boy knows, but he denies it to himself.) and ruin his life altogether. 

So he visits the girl nightly to protect his lover.

Drifting away, time together growing shorter and shorter.

Kokichi grabs onto his wrist, eyes filled with tears that he clearly fights down with a smile.

“Kaito… Kaito, let’s do something together. Come on, you can stay. You’ve been rushing so much, just  _ please _ stay with me. Stay, please— Don’t go…”

He begs, weeps turning quickly to sobs, shaky and desperate.

Kaito wavers, knowing he’ll snap if he doesn’t get his ailment treated by the doctor who treats with whiskey.

Kokichi wails, pulling him closer by the arm, sinking to the floor.

“ _ Please don’t leave me! I love you, I’ll never stop— Just please stay with me! Please stay with me— Please don’t go! _ ”

The taller man shakes the boy off, staggering away with clear and fearful conflict. 

As the door shut in his face, Kokichi cries out, begging for mercy from the man that isn’t there. He stands and pulls uselessly on the doorknob, knowing if he were to go after him, nothing would change.

Instead, he weeps it out, shoulders quivering.

At least, he should be kind enough to make Kaito dinner for when he gets back. It’s the least he can do if he can’t please him anymore, texts blowing up his phone.

He sets it on the counter, pulling a glinting knife out of the rack and beginning to chop a particularly perfect carrot into bits to roast up. Kokichi smiles at the thought of Kaito returning sober, and them eating together. Kokichi smiles and begins to cry again at the thought of pleasing him again.

The distraction sends the blade into his thumb, stupidly splitting it open, nearly right down to the bone.

Kokichi laughs immediately, head filling with different urges. His phone continues buzzing chaotically against the marble counter.

_ Kill yourself. _

_ Kill yourself. _

_ No really. Kill yourself. _

_ Oh hey, Kaito’s here. _

_ He fucking hates you. You know that, right? _

_ Hey, send me a picture of you slitting your arms open. Kaito wants to see. _

Kokichi’s head buzzed as he dug the knife into his limbs, staggering into the bathroom to keep most of the blood controlled, but leaving a clear trail to the bathroom so that Kaito may follow.

He slips into the bathtub, the knife in his thigh cutting deeper. Kokichi turns on the water, hoping to take one final bath as he fades out. The water is cold and, in a frenzy, he climbs back out and huddles over the bathroom sink, nails digging in as he throws open the medicine cabinet. He swallows pills and pills and pills, rat poison, sedatives, antipsychotics. All the same thing in the end. He washes them down with peroxide, vomiting into the bathtub as he settles back in, slitting his disgusting arms open as he does so.

Bloody water and vomit fill the bathtub, soaking his hair and his skin. Blood coagulates over lonely hours filled with soft singing and laughter, all a chorus until the water shuts off. 

It all goes silent.

Kokichi has long stopped crying, laughing softly and staring at the dull walls. He sings gently to himself, remembering a better time when Kaito fucked him gently and called him more endearing names and wasn’t in a rush to get away from him. The buzzing calms a bit, but Kokichi’s consciousness fades. He swears something moves near the bathroom door, but he can’t focus enough to look. He takes in a breath and closes his eyes, unafraid this time. He’s ready to die.

Nothing changes, and he hears Kaito calling his name as he falls asleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please don’t try to tell me I should have kept this to myself or something. Mans gotta cope okay....


End file.
